The Parents’ Paper issue 9 Summer 2014 Something for everyone in this issue – why not start talking about it at ... @CathComReach www.facebook.com/ CathComReach Dealing with difficult behaviour p9 “What’s the connection?” Things to do in the Summer p6 What to do with this paper Teachers: See how you can use the children’s section in the classroom and for homework. Look at the classroom resources that are available online. Ask the children to take the children section of the paper for themselves and take the rest home for their parents. Parents: Make sure the children get the children’s section – if it hasn’t been taken out in the classroom already. Put the paper somewhere where you can pick it up when you have the opportunity. Try and get a bit of space to sit back, relax and read! Once you’ve finished with it – why not pass it on? See pages 10-11 for full story

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2 CathCom Reach Summer 2014 Forgiveness or Reconciliation? After a long day a school a group of children play on their way home. While they wander along laughing at the fact one of them had pushed the other into a bush one of the girls stepped into the road without looking and walked out in front of a car. The driver tried to stop but she hit the girl. A week later the girl was recovering in hospital, but the driver was overwhelmed with guilt. This overwhelming feeling forced her to go to the hospital to try and say sorry. Nervously, she went into the girl and introduced herself, trying to hold back the tears she told the girl how sorry she was and asked for forgiveness. The girl said that she had no bad feelings towards the driver and she told her that she had forgiven her from the outset. The girl could forgive the driver from the outset – without needing to hear her say sorry – but the driver could not forgive herself until she had been told she was forgiven. Perhaps God doesn’t need us to go to confession to forgive us – perhaps it would do us good to hear we have been forgiven!

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Summer 2014 CathCom Reach 3 Last weekend someone showed me a picture they had recently taken of me during a retreat day for primary school children. I had just finished celebrating the Sacrament of Reconciliation with a young pupil and she is skipping with joy as she leaves the encounter. It is a beautiful picture, not least because that is how we should all experience that sacrament. But somehow, and very sadly, this is not always the case. All too often we would associate this sacrament with guilt, discomfort, and shame. When I was preparing for ordination as a priest, one thing I was really not looking forward to was hearing confessions. It was a real block to me, almost to the point of not formally asking to be ordained. I had worked in areas that left me no stranger to the pain and suffering of people, and often with victims of senseless violence. I didn’t feel that I wanted to hear that pain and shame spoken to me. I had become jaded by it. An experienced priest in my community challenged my hesitancy – “all you have to do is listen and love them Damian.” Well, since the day of my ordination that is what I have tried to do, to listen to and love those who come to me with their deepest pain and stories. We all know that often we don’t get life right. We make mistakes and sometimes our actions and prejudices cause grave damage to ourselves and to others. If we continued to live life without reflecting on those experiences then lessons would not be learnt and somehow our understanding of how life should be is diminished. The twelve steps programme for those living with addiction, call this making amends, trying to restore the balance to our lives. Coming to confession is an encounter with the tender concern of God who wishes us to live life well and be happy. It is not about guilt, but, like every other sacrament, it is a celebration of God’s love. Most of us would hasten our steps to an encounter that we know will be loving, the thought of fleeing would seem ridiculous. But flee we do. With this in mind I began to explore the real meaning of the word ‘reconciliation’. At its heart is the Latin word ‘cilia’ meaning eyelash. At first I thought this must be wrong, what do eyelashes have to do with anything? But then it began to make sense. When we celebrate reconciliation we are in God’s gaze. And we stare back, amazed by the love coming from God’s eyes. Some will remember Robert Powell who played the title role in Franco Zeffirelli’s Jesus of Nazareth. Rarely during the film do any of the actors portraying Jesus blink their eyes. Zeffirelli decided on this as a means of creating a subconscious visual mystique about the character that not only differentiated him from all other characters, and is eerily effective. The boy Jesus in the Temple blinks twice in the Temple, and the adult Jesus blinks only once on film. When something monumental is to happen in the story, the camera becomes fixed on the eyes of Jesus, which are so intense and full of a tenderness that is disarming. When we come to confession, we experience this gaze. We stand eyelash to eyelash with him. It is like when we stand really close to someone we love immensely, maybe after being absent from them for a long time, and we feel there breath on our face as we become close and comfortable with each other once more. There is no room for guilt in the face of this divine love. God takes all that from us, he lightens the burden, he makes it possible to Eyelash to eyelash dance and skip into life again. As we delight in the sunshine and long days of summer, it is my prayer that we can dance again with joy as we seek to live in the tender gaze of God. Enjoy the summer and God bless.

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4 CathCom Reach Summer 2014 Dealing with things… A few months ago I was looking for something for solution to a computer programing issue – I typed into Google “Dealing with…” and before I had chance to continue it brought up the 10 most searched issues that people have to deal with. These were: Difficult People, Depression, Anxiety, Stress, Grief, Anger, Rejection, Idiots and Divorce. Given that these are the top 10 things people search Google for advice when dealing with something I thought these would be good to cover over a series of articles in Reach. In this issue we will look at “Dealing with Difficult People”. If you have any ideas on this please share them on facebook.com/CathCo mReach or on twitter @CathComReach – if you have any ideas for any of the other topics let us know as we may be able to use them for the next edition. Thanks Nick LEGAL DISCLAIMER ----------------------- The information and/or links in this publication are provided for catholic education and information purposes only. The Editor and Publisher (hereinafter referred to as CathCom) will endeavour to ensure that all the content of CathCom Reach is in keeping with the teachings of the Catholic Church. However CathCom is not responsible for the contents of any of the linked sites. Neither does CathCom necessarily endorse and/or support the views expressed by the information contained within those linked sites. A Dear Reader CathCom Reach is published in September, December, March, and June. Editorial Team Edwina Gillett, Nick Layton, Annie Moloney 020 7112 6710 editor@ CathComReach.com Advertising Alice Jenkins, 01440 730399 ads@ CathComReach.com Head of Finance Claire Richardson Subscriptions Sarah Crouch sarahc@cathcom.org – 01440 730399 Website Editor Daniel Griffiths Contact us Manager Nick Layton Religious Advisor Fr Damian Cassidy Health Educ. Advisor Helen Layton Administration Tommie Steel Published By CathCom Ltd., N2 Blois Meadow Business Centre, Steeple Bumpstead Haverhill, Suffolk CB9 7BN 020 7112 6710 www.cathcom.org Please send articles for publication by email supplying photos separate to the text (i.e. in jpeg format). mention and/or listing of linked sites does not indicate CathCom’s endorsement of any organization`s and/or entity`s activities, reports, publications and/or programs. CathCom cannot be held responsible and/or liable for any damages, real, imagined, past, present or future from the information contained on any linked site and/or other sites that it links to hereafter. While we take reasonable steps to check our advertisers and linked sites are bona fide, readers should carry out their own checks before entering into any contract or arrangement. You may not modify, reuse, reproduce, or publish any content within this publication without the written permission of the Editor. ------------------------------------------ Dealing with … Difficult People We’ve all had our moments when we are cornered by someone who is difficult to say the least. You can imagine: ● The neighbour who pokes their nose into your business and into other people’s ● The elderly person who likes to tell people how things should be and constantly uses phrases like “in my day” ● The person who like to show off and talk about everything they have and everything they’ve done. ● The colleague who likes to put people down to make themselves look better. ● The boss that makes snide remarks. ● The put-upon person who feels life is so difficult and wants you to do half of their work for them. ● The “friend” that talks to us about views that we really don’t agree with and you sense they won’t like it if you tell them that. The list can go on and on – and guaranteed we all know or bump into at least one person in our lives that is difficult. So what is the best way to deal with them? Firstly, the let’s look at the 2 worst ways to deal with them: Hide or get angry! One of the easiest ways to deal with a difficult person is to hide from them or try and avoid them. Depending on how often, and where we see the person, it may be that trying to avoid someone can take over our lives. If we get angry with someone because they are difficult this doesn’t do anyone any favours – it will either make them feel bad or it will make them angry and make the situation worse. However, saying these are the worst ways to deal with a difficult person doesn’t mean we should try to do the opposite. We have to acknowledge when we are going to lose our temper and at that point walking away is no bad thing. If someone is winding us up so much that we can’t take it, it is better to have spoken to them and then excused yourself rather than not speak to them at all. It is better for them and it means we are being up- front and honest and as a result we are in control of our lives rather than trying to avoid someone all the time. St Therese, lived in a convent just over 100 years ago and she wrote about how some of the other sisters would annoy her. …even Saints get annoyed… Instead of avoiding them she would go out of her way to try and love them. She would talk to them, pray for them and help them when they needed it – just as Jesus would do. The most important thing is trying to see past someone’s annoying comments or habits. So often there is a reason for why someone is the way they are – and there is truth in the saying “Hurt People, hurt people” – someone that has been hurt will frequently hurt other people they come into contact with. Perhaps we should try and think of that person before they were so difficult – even if this means we have to imagine them as a baby. Perhaps something bad happened to them, perhaps they were brought up with very negative parents. So often it can be that they have their own insecurities and their coping mechanism is to cover it up by keeping people at a distance, appearing very confident or putting people down. So, should I be weak and let people walk all over me? Not at all! The key to dealing with difficult people is strength! It is about having the strength to take control and go and speak to someone before they come and corner you. It’s about giving them a smile before they give you grief. It’s about complimenting them before they have chance to put you down. However, it is also about protecting yourself. You have to be able to draw a line, not only for your benefit but for theirs as well. Where you draw that line will depend on the type of person they are and at what point you are going to snap. A difficult person can latch onto you, especially if other people avoid them because they are difficult. So you will have to clearly break away from your conversation if it goes on too long because, as a parent, you have a family to think about – hopefully, the annoying person is not in your family! You may have to say you don’t agree with something someone says – the weaker option is to agree and then avoid them – but perhaps they need someone to be honest with them. If someone is trying to use you, it won’t do either of you any favours if you end up doing jobs for them that they could do for themselves. So drawing that line and saying “No” is just as important as going over and talking to them in the first place. It takes strength on your part. You are making the effort, you are being strong and you are in control of your life because you are not having to avoid someone.

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Summer 2014 CathCom Reach 5 Is there a God ... I often said you didn’t exist Because my eyes wouldn’t see I may have given up on you lord But you never gave up on me When troubles happened in my life I would hang my head and cry You let these happen to me And at times I wondered why I was quick to say if there was a God He wouldn’t let these happen to me I may have given up on you lord But you never gave up on me At many times during my life When the troubles were hard to bear I forgot the teachings of my youth And said you were not there I’ve heard your word again dear Lord And my eyes they finally see I thank you every day of my life That you never gave up on me ... Yes there is OK Ryan, you be Jesus A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, `Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.` Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, `OK Ryan, you be Jesus.`

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6 CathCom Reach Summer 2014 Snail Racing This activity is as much about the children being careful with the snails as it is about doing an activity. Each person has to find a snail. Then mark out a circle on a flat surface – this could be done with some chalk or with string or with sticks. Then mark out a small space in the centre of the circle. The space in the middle will be the starting point where each child will put their snail. The race is to see which snail reaches the outer circle first. The size of the circle will determine how long the game will be. If the circle is too big the game will take a long time and the children may get bored. If each child can’t find a snail you could just get two or more and each child can choose which one they want to win. When you have finished please make sure the children put the snails back carefully where they found them. Thing to do in the Summer Shelter building Find some sticks and get the children to build a shelter. You could always give the children some something waterproof to use for the roof and give them a set amount of time. When their time is up they have to go inside the shelter and you pour water over the top – if they get wet…they get wet!! Mini crazy golf circuit Find pipes, trays, wood and anything in the garden to make your own mini golf circuit – if you don’t have any clubs or anything you could use instead of clubs just get the children to use their feet (gently). Raid the Re-cycling bin Use cardboard boxes, plastic bottles, paper etc. to create anything from a model, a dolls house, a piñata, a city or a den. Car Journey games Rat-a-tat Great for country roads. When you see a post box, shout "rat- a-tat", for a church it`s "ting-a-ling" and for a phone-box it`s "ding-dong". Fizz Buzz Count upwards and when there`s a number which divides by three, say "fizz" and when a number divides by five, say "buzz". If a number divides by three and five, you have to say "fizz buzz". Travel bingo Think of five or 10 things to find - for example, a horse, pub, or yellow car - and then try to find them. First person to cross everything off wins. Car snooker Instead of playing with balls, play with cars. Just make sure you get the order right.

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1 Little Peace Summer 2014 esource Go to www.CathComReach.com/teachers CLASSROOM ACTIVITY World Cup Activities and Resources covering various subjects (Math’s, Geography, Literacy) Reconciliation Activities What will you be doing over the Summer – the activity in this section or you can download it from the website. Making up with friends p2 Things to do over the Summer p2 Easter Egg Competition winners p4 Find the words in blue in the word search above… We know what it is like when we argue with one of our friends – often it makes us angry at first and then makes us feel sad. When we’ve stopped feeling angry we miss them and we want to be together again – so we try to make up. When we make up with a friend this is called reconciliation . If they have hurt us we have to forgive them first before we can be their friend again. When we do this we let go of the things that hurt us and we feel happy again. When we are the ones who have done bad things it not only hurts people around us but it makes us feel distant from God. Jesus gives us the opportunity to say sorry and he forgives us so we can feel like we are starting again, all the bad things have gone and we feel clean and happy . This helps us not to worry about that bad things we’ve done because we’ve said sorry and Jesus has said WE ARE FORGIVEN. This fills us with peace . Reconciliation Can you crack these codes?

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2 How many flags from the World Cup can you recognise?

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3 Things to do over the Summer It can be a big task for those people that look after us to think of things to do every day over the Summer – especially if they have to spend a lot of the day making meals, clearing up and other things that have to be done. Why not choose 3 things from the list that you can do over the Summer to help out at home: ✔ Make my bed each morning ✔ Tidy my room at the end of the day ✔ Play well with my brother or sister ✔ Set the table before meals ✔ Clear the table after meals ✔ Ask Mum or Dad if they are OK? ✔ Make sure Mum or Dad get some time during the day to sit down without being asked for anything ✔ Say “thank you” for all the things that get done in the house – even the boring things like washing my socks! ✔ Say “thank you” for the meals that I get. ✔ When I don’t get what I want – don’t make a fuss remember all the things I do get. What will you be doing over the Summer? In each pentagon of the football below, draw a picture of your favourite activities that you would like to be doing over the Summer…

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4 Thank you for the huge number of competition entries for the Easter Egg competition. There was a huge number of entries and the quality of them was AMAZING!!!! Winner in the 9-11 year old category: Esther, Age 10, Woodford Bridge Winner in the 6-8 year old category: Hikari, Age 8, London Winners in the 0-5 year old category: Claudia, Age 5, London & Zack, Age 5, Rugby To see all the entries close up go to www.CathComReach.com/slideshow/EasterCompetition.asp

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Summer 2014 CathCom Reach 7 Put on a Play with Sock Puppets Use some socks as puppets – you could use them as they are or sew a couple of buttons on for eyes then cute them off at the end. Get the children to either create a play themselves or act out their favourite book or film Picnic Make a picnic and take it down to the park, field or forest nearby. Play Sardines You can either play the traditional way where one person hides then everyone goes to look for them. If one person finds them – instead of telling anyone they go and hide with the person they have found until everyone has found you. If you house/garden isn’t big enough for everyone to look around at once you could all go in one room while the first person hides, then send someone off to search while everyone else stays in the room. The person searching has 1 minute to find the person hiding. After 1 minute call out for the person to either come back or stay where they if they have found the person hiding. Then send the next person out. Keep going until there is no one left. Cooking You could find a simple recipe for biscuits, cakes, jelly, homemade pizza or even ice-cream if you are feeling adventurous Make a kite Use some bamboo or some small sticks. Cut out a kite shape out of a plastic bag – preferably a stronger plastic bag. Create a cross shape with two sticks. Tie the two sticks together in the middle of the cross and then tape the plastic bag to the sticks. Cut the ends of the sticks off if the sticks are larger than the plastic bag. Then attached to some string and give it a try. Your child’s favourite things… On page 2 of the children’s section we have asked your child to draw a picture of their favourite activity in each of the sections of the football. We’ve not told them it’s a wish list – because there are bound to be things that aren’t possible such as skydiving or eating a house made of chocolate! But maybe have a look at what they have drawn to get some ideas for the Summer.

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8 CathCom Reach Summer 2014 Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Mrs Smith stopped to gently have a word with the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, `Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, the wind would change and I would stay like that.` Bobby looked up and replied, `Well, Mrs Smith, you can`t say you weren`t warned`. You can`t say you weren`t warned ADVERTORIAL Fullers Finer Furniture have been designing and creating Church Furniture for places of worship over four decades, making all kinds of pieces for all types of buildings from a table top lectern to a complete re- order of the sanctuary. They have also worked in 800 year old grade one listed buildings to brand new builds with a very modern theme. As well as Churches Fullers supply to many schools and colleges, one of which was St Bernadette’s Roman Catholic primary school in London Colney, Hertfordshire. When Fullers visited the school St Bernadette’s were very interested in purchasing a lectern and an Altar table for use within the school. After demonstrating The Canterbury lectern the school felt this filled the brief adequately and was able to be used for both the staff and the children due to its unique height adjustment system by means of a gas lift mechanism. The Canterbury lectern they ordered was in natural Ash with a cross on the front in Ash and Black walnut, the lectern is equipped with a built in shock mount microphone socket and an LCD touch screen monitor so presentations can be seen and controlled at the lectern if using video projection. As well as the lectern Fullers produced a matching altar in Ash which is mounted on hidden wheels for easy of movement around the school hall, the Altar also had a matching cross to the lectern on the front of the column. Most of the furniture created by Fullers Finer Furniture is made to order and designed to suit the requirements of each individual client. Do have a look at our web site and see for yourself the beautiful crafted furniture and the short video demonstrating the unique Canterbury and York lecterns @ www.fullersfinerfurniture.co.uk Fullers Finer Furniture Fullers Finer Furniture introduces The Canterbury and York Lecterns. These lovely pieces have something about the shape of things to come as they have both been designed with a fully adjustable gas strut height control, internal wiring to take a microphone and even an LCD monitor for use during presentations, hymn singing, for sermon notes and the like. As more and more schools and churches are using IT equipment these days, this kind of product is a must not just in the future but right now. The award winning Canterbury and its larger sister The York are available in a range of finishes and you can even have your school or church logo on the front. Both lecterns are on castors for easy movement around your school or church.

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Summer 2014 CathCom Reach 9 People have different ideas about what is good and bad behaviour. What you consider to be bad behaviour might seem normal to other parents, and the other way round. Your circumstances can affect how you judge your child`s behaviour. For example, it’s much harder for you to cope with your child`s mess if you haven’t got much space. Parents also react to their children’s behaviour in different ways. Some are stricter than others and some are more patient. Your child’s character will also make a difference. For example, some children react to stress by being noisy and wanting extra attention. Others withdraw and hide away. Possible reasons for difficult behaviour There are many reasons for difficult behaviour. Here are a few possibilities: ● Any change in a child’s life can be difficult for them. This could be the birth of a new baby, moving house, a change of childminder, starting playgroup or something much smaller. ● Children are quick to notice if you’re feeling upset or there are problems in the family. They may behave badly when you feel least able to cope. If you’re having problems don’t blame yourself, but don’t blame your child either if they react with difficult behaviour. ● Sometimes your child may react in a particular way because of how you’ve handled a problem in the past. For example, if you’ve given your child sweets to keep them quiet at the shops, they may expect sweets every time you go there. ● Your child might see a tantrum as a way of getting attention (even if it’s bad attention). They may wake up at night as a way of getting a cuddle and some company. Give them more attention when they’re behaving well and less when they’re being difficult. ● Think about the times when your child’s behaviour is most difficult. Could it be because they’re tired, hungry, overexcited, frustrated or bored? If your child is behaving badly, first consider whether their behaviour is a problem. Do you need to do something about it now or is it a phase they`ll grow out of? It may be best to live with it for a while. Think about whether your child’s behaviour is a problem for other people. Behaviour that might not worry you can become a problem when it affects those around you. Sometimes, taking action can make the problem worse. However, if a problem is causing you and your child distress, or upsetting the rest of the family, it’s important to deal with it. Do what feels right What you do has to be right for your child, you and the family. If you do something you don’t believe in or that you don’t feel is right, it probably won’t work. Children notice when you don’t mean what you’re saying. Don`t give up Once you’ve decided to do something, continue to do it. Solutions take time to work. Get support from your partner, a friend, another parent, your health visitor or your GP. It’s good to have someone to talk to about what you’re doing. Be consistent Children need consistency. If you react to your child’s behaviour in one way one day and a different way the next, it’s confusing for them. It’s also important that everyone close to your child deals with the problem in the same way. Don`t over react This can be difficult. When your child does something annoying time after time, your anger and frustration can build up. It’s easy to take your feelings out on them. If this happens, the whole situation can get worse. It`s impossible not to show your irritation and anger sometimes, but try to stay in control. Once you’ve told your child off, move on to other things that you can both enjoy or feel good about. Find other ways to cope with your frustration, like talking to other parents about how you feel. Talk to your child Children don’t have to be able to talk to understand. It can help if they understand why you want them to do something. For example, explain why you want them to hold your hand while crossing the road, or get into the buggy when it’s time to go home. Encourage your child to talk to you. Giving your child the opportunity to explain why they’re angry or upset will help reduce their frustration. Be positive about the good things When a child’s behaviour is difficult, the things they do well can be overlooked. Tell your child when you`re pleased about something they’ve done. You can let your child know when they make you happy by giving them attention, a hug or a smile. There doesn’t have to be a reason. Let your child know you love him just for being himself. Offer rewards You can help your child by rewarding them for behaving well. For example, praise them or give them their favourite food for tea. If your child behaves well, tell them how pleased you are. Be specific. Say something like, "Well done for putting your toys back in the box when I asked you." Don’t give your child a reward before they’ve done what they were asked to do. That’s a bribe, not a reward. Avoid smacking Smacking may stop a child doing what they’re doing at that moment, but it doesn`t have a lasting positive effect. Children learn by example, so if you hit your child you’re telling them that hitting is an acceptable way to behave. Children who are treated aggressively by their parents are more likely to be aggressive themselves. It’s better to teach by example rather than behave in the way you`re asking them not to behave. There are more effective alternatives to smacking to control your child’s behaviour. Extra help with difficult behaviour You can get help for especially difficult behaviour, so don’t feel you have to cope alone. Talk to your health visitor or GP, or contact your local family advice service (you may be able to go without a referral). Sometimes, a bit of support and encouragement might be all you need. Some children may need to be referred to a specialist where they can get the help they need. Having a child whose behaviour is very difficult can put a huge strain on you. You might need help yourself. Speak to your GP or health visitor about support groups in your area. Dealing with difficult behaviour

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So what can possibly connect Catholic Guilt, the World Cup, the Middle East and the European Union? An opportunity for Reconciliation! Reconciliation is from a Latin word meaning “to bring together again” or “to be eye to eye again”. We can become separated from a friend, a relative, a husband or wife or from God. Sometimes it is through hurt, through misunderstanding, through disagreement or simply by drifting apart. Sometimes we want to be reconciled, sometimes we don’t and other times we don’t even realise the need for reconciliation. 10 CathCom Reach Summer 2014 In April 2014 over 230 former street children from 19 countries joined us in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil for a football tournament, festival of arts and a participatory conference for children’s rights. These children stand united f or the rights of street children across the world and they are not alone. Street Child World Cup received the support of Pope Francis, Prince William Duke of Cambridge, World Cup winners Gilberto Silva and Bebeto and football legend Zico. Together we believe that no child should have to live on the streets. The journey for street children’s rights continues and you can join us by signing up to our supporters club now. David Beckham: “I look forward to Brazil in 2014 when street children from around the world will play football and represent the millions of children who still live or work on our streets.“ www.streetchildworldcup.org Reconciliation and the Middle East The link between the Middle East and Reconciliation is clear and needs little explanation. In the past few weeks Pope Francis has visited both Israel and Palestine. He has made bold and controversial statements by visiting symbols of the conflict which are uncomfortable for both sides. But he has done it without an agenda and his message of peace has been heard by many in the Middle East. He invited the President of Israel and the President of Palestine to meet with him in the Vatican not to negotiate but simply to pray together. And within two weeks both Presidents have been stood in the Vatican gardens with Pope Francis praying for reconciliation in the Holy Land and planting an olive tree as a sign of Peace. Reconciliation and the World Cup The World Cup, like many other sporting events, is a chance to bring the World together again. This is particularly significant when countries that oppose each other come together on the football pitch. The opportunity is available to see the opposing sides sharing a common passion which reveals their humanity rather than seeing them as a faceless enemy. One enduring image we will see throughout the whole of the World Cup with be so many nations of the world gathered together under the outstretched arms of Christ the Redeemer. This will be a huge symbol of peace and reconciliation between countries.

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Summer 2014 CathCom Reach 11 When people use the term “Catholic Guilt” it is usually used as an unhealthy, negative term for how we feel about ourselves when we sin. However, before dismissing it lets pick out the good bits. Feeling guilty when we do something wrong is not a bad thing. Guilt is our conscience’s way of telling us that we’ve done something wrong. Our conscience has a built in mechanism to know right from wrong – but it also needs to be educated to understand more complex situations. However, we can distort our view of right and wrong and this distortion can go either way – it can lead us to not realise when we do something wrong, or it can make us feel guilty for things that are not wrong at all. As parents we are often juggling more than we can manage – so we make mistakes and we can’t do everything. Sin Stealing Punishing your child so they learn what’s right and wrong Hitting another parent Making a mess of the icing on little Johnny’s Birthday cake It’s inevitable that when we make mistakes we feel bad – but there’s no point feeling guilty because there is nothing we can do with it. You can feel sorry that it went wrong but you can’t really say sorry because you didn’t mean to do it. So there is a big difference between a sin and a mistake. If we do straighten out what we should and shouldn’t feel guilty about and when we do sin – are we back to just feeling guilty? No. The Church’s teaching takes us beyond the point of just feeling guilty. When we are feeling guilty we are given an opportunity. An invitation from God for reconciliation. A chance to not only wipe away the sin, but the guilt that goes with it. The Church teaches that when our sins are forgiven they are gone. Not hidden - gone. Catholic Guilt is a bit like having half the deal – all the negative and none of the positive. If you go for the all-inclusive option you get to recognise the problems but put them right as well. Confession is also a very healthy thing to do. Not only to be reconciled with God, but the act of thinking about our sins, telling someone what we have done and then hearing that our sins are forgiven is a healthy process to go through. Having gone through the process of reconciliation we do find ourselves in a much better place – however, it goes full circle. At the outset we looked at whether something was a sin or whether we are just feeling bad about our mistakes. Sometimes this can either be a result or the cause of having a low opinion of ourselves. Having been reconciled with God there is a bit more we can learn. If God wants to be reconciled with us, perhaps he is reiterating the message he gave us when he created us: that He loves us, He wants us and He wants to be reconciled with us. Perhaps this means we should follow His example and be reconciled with ourselves. Reconciliation and the European Union There has been a lot about Europe and the EU in the news recently. The main focus has been on politics, money and immigration. Each of us will have slightly differing views on Europe, but something we hear very little about is about the European Union being a project. Seventy years ago Europe was at the centre of the worst war this world has ever seen – this was less than 30 years after the First World War. The original aim of the EU was to end the frequent wars in Europe and keep peace and promote reconciliation. Whatever we think about the EU and all the politics that goes with it, we should remember the overriding aim of the EU is that of peace and until this point it has achieved that. Catholic Guilt Church Teaching – Half Deal Option All-Inclusive Option Recognising when you have sinned Feeling guilty about what you have done wrong Going to the Sacrament of Reconciliation (confession) possibly Feeling that the sin has gone and the guilt has gone Feeling good about yourself Acknowledging that God’s love for you is bigger than anything you’ve done Realising that you are someone worth loving Comparison between the “Catholic Guilt – Half Deal Option” and the “Church Teaching All-Inclusive Option” Reconciliation and Catholic Guilt

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12 CathCom Reach Summer 2014

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